Monday 4 October 2010


Due to the extraordinary amount of flies around this year and my failure to kill them with hair spray because I cannot stand the smell of fly spray, I purchased from a local store one of those mains voltage UV super electric fly zappers and hurried home to connect it up in my kitchen.

The instructions said that in order to encourage more flies into the trap, it would help if I were to place a tiny bit of meat or fish as bait inside the trap and so this is what I did, using a tiny piece of tuna.

I then went about my business waiting excitedly to hear the ZZZZZT! sound of my first fly being fried but after 24 hours I had heard nothing and when I checked inside the trap it remained empty. I was very disappointed.

Then, later that same afternoon after I’d come home from shopping, I couldn’t help myself from sliding the tray out to do a body count and YES – there it was, my first dead fly.

But then suddenly to my utter astonishment, the cheeky little sod stood up and started eating the tuna and need I say, I was pretty gutted and to date I’ve only caught about eight ruddy flies and a few moths.

So I’m thinking of getting rid of the device and buying instead, one of those lizards that catch insects with their long elastic sticky tongues. The only problem of course is it's tongue would leave dozens of tiny little round damp patches all over my walls, the furniture and the television screen. And god forbid every time a fly should land on my forehead - I’d find myself suddenly locking eyes with Larry the lizard giving me the death stare from across the other side of the sitting room.

Oh sod it. Perhaps I’ll just start using a fly spray like everybody else.