The chain of wedlock is so heavy it takes two to carry it, sometimes three.
Alexandre Dumas 1803-1870
I was still reeling from the shock of seeing a bearded, middle
aged man, wearing a T-shirt that read, 'I eat pussy like fat kids eat cake',
when I was informed by a customer that odd noises could be heard coming from
inside the ladies toilets.
A couple aged in their late 20's and in a state of undress, were
having sex in one of the cubicles. So, after pressing my ear against the door
for a short while, I waited until their rhythmic thrusting reached a crescendo
then banged hard on the door telling them to stop what they were doing and
kindly leave the premises.
Now normally, this kind of conduct isn't too uncommon in some of
pubs, particularly at weekends, but what made this particular incident require
more than the usual suspension of disbelief, was because while the man made a
rather embarrassed and hasty exit from the pub, the woman walked brazenly back
into the bar area and calmly sat down . . . next to her husband.
Now at the time, I felt sorry for him because he looked a decent
sort of chap, and it occurred to me that the last thing he needed right now was
to be humiliated in a pub full of drunken people, so on this occasion, I
decided not to pursue the matter any further. However my conscience later
nagged me for not telling him what his wife had been up to.
But let's be honest, it can only be a matter of time before her
appetite for impromptu sex romps with strangers betrays her, if it hasn’t
already, and when it does, I hope the poor bloke finds out discreetly as a
result of his own subtle suspicions, rather than seeing dodgy photos of his
wife on facebook or reading another man’s crude exposé along with his wife’s
mobile number scrawled on the toilet wall at his place of work.
And so whether or not the husband found out exactly what
happened that day, I'm afraid I cannot tell you because I don’t know and
anyway, it makes no difference to the point I am trying to make, so let me cut
straight to the chase.
The fact is, in these modern times, while love still embodies
loyalty, commitment and red roses, Lust on the other hand is interested only in
satisfying it’s own deviant urges and habitually achieves this rather
skillfully by guile.
Infidelity has become the scourge of modern society driven by a
tsunami of cultural change drowning us in the sexualization of young girls,
inappropriate subliminal allusions and erotic imagery, all peddled so
methodically by the mass media - specifically the medium of television, that
now accounts for having the biggest influence on our lives in the entire western
world, second only to religion.
In all my years working in the hospitality sector either as a
pub landlord and more recently as a doorman, I have encountered extra marital
sex on such an astonishing and unbelievable scale that I have sadly come to feel
and with good reason too, that the probability of absolute true loyalty and
dependability existing in any relationship, surely is about as likely as a
giraffe balloon sculpture winning next years Turner Prize.
We’re told that the most common reasons for infidelity given by
straying spouses are sexual frustration, curiosity, boredom and revenge, with
the third person usually turning out to be either a friend, associate or
somebody we know.
Personally, I suspect that for every one person careless enough
to be caught cheating behind a partners back, there are probably another five
or so interactions carrying on who's participants are simply far too cunning
and devious ever to be found out.
Such is the power of lust that precedes an affair and the immeasurable
devastation generated by exposure, the absolute genius and brilliance of
subterfuge employed in the pursuit of deceiving a loved one, is unparalleled to
that of a close up magician who with unfailing sangfroid can deal a royal flush
from a shuffled deck of cards.
Our pair bonding ritual used to take place over a period of
weeks or even months when genuine courtship was about respect, chivalry and
doorstep kisses. But today, a man and a woman who have never before set
eyes on each other can strike up a conversation during happy hour and by the
time last orders have been called, their brief courtship has already been
consummated over a stack of rattling beer crates in the back yard with a
post-coital cigarette smoked together out on the front pavement. It gives a
totally new meaning to the term speed dating.
Unfortunately however, it's human nature to want more than one
sexual partner, especially after so many years of living together. It's a
survival trait in all of us allowing us to replace either the hunter-gatherer
or the child bearer, lost by a sudden death. It's this default genetic program
that helps sustain the ongoing survival of our species.
In fact Stamford University did a study which showed physical
chemistry has a shelf life today of just nineteen months showing that society
forces 'happily ever after' on us when biologically we're programmed to cope
with multiple partners. You can't fight nature.
And if you read Professor Jared Diamond's book, Why is Sex Fun?
It explains the link between promiscuity, natural selection and concealed
ovulation. He teaches us how evolutionary forces have shaped our sexuality
and how concealed ovulation and sexual receptivity in women today, make
possible our unique combination of marriage, co-parenting and adulterous
temptation. Albeit, we are a long way from perfection but then isn’t that
precisely what evolution is all about?
It has been said that the advance of civilization has not so
much moulded modern sexual behaviour, as that modern sexual behaviour has
moulded the shape of civilization.
Anthropologists suggest that recreational sex is supposed to be
the glue that bonds a couple together while they cooperate in raising children,
but as we all know even the strongest glue weakens under too much pressure.
When you consider that the 2010 mid year statistics for
PaternityLab.co.uk revealed that 1 in 3 DNA tests carried out by them proved
negative. In other words - 34.55% of men tested (those who had reason to) were
found not to be the biological father. Perhaps then it's only logical that
paternity home kits have finally become available to buy over the counter in
Boots.
To put things into perspective then, let’s get one thing
straight - we are not robots that can be controlled by encoded robotic
programming. We are flesh, blood and bone human beings, created by a miracle of
nature and graced with feelings and emotions that determine our very own unique
and exclusive psyche, ultimately administered and maintained by the awesome
power of our brains.
Inside each of our brains there are 100 billion neuron cells
that are responsible for sending out signals. And, each one of these 100
billion cells connect independently to another 25 thousand cells, constantly
processing information in ever changing relationships. And with all these cells
working together, our brains have so far evolved with the capability of making
more connections than there are atoms in the entire universe.
Because of this, each and every one of us is unique among all
the people who have ever lived on earth. In fact scientists propose that we
each have a virtually limitless array of complex emotions that dictate what
someone feels at any given time, depending on the thinking experience and
memory of the individual. And for this reason alone, no two people can ever be
‘made for each other’ as we like to believe.
Our unique minds are so extraordinarily unpredictable,
unexplored and mysteriously deep. To understand exactly how it functions and
controls each and every thing we do, would be like claiming to comprehend and
understand every single thing there is to know about our entire solar system.
I’m not saying that every person in a relationship has been
cheated on. That would be a ridiculous statement to make! I’m merely saying
that no matter how strong sexual relations are between a couple in a
relationship, if other aspects of mutual interest and compatibility that binds
two people together are put in jeopardy then on average, most relationships
will not sustain much longer than about two years at the most without one or
the other falling out of love through boredom, frustration, curiosity or revenge.
Even the mightiest monumental architectural structure can be
bought down by subsidence that starts with a tiny crack.
When a link in the chain of love that joins two people together,
becomes weakened by say, too much time apart, a failure in communication or
maybe just another volatile domestic argument, then consider the following;
when you take into consideration the complexities of the emotional switchboard
inside our brain, that part of us that controls our fear, love, pain, hate,
anger, elation, greed, envy, shame and lust, to name just a few, and then
interact these emotions with other powerful forces such as anger, memory,
temptation, curiosity, jealousy and motivation etc. All that’s needed then are
some powerful external influences such as alcohol, drugs, companionship,
pheromones and sexual imagery. Then just stand back and see what happens.
I reckon that even way back in the Jurassic period, cohabiting
cave-couples got bored with each other and on occasions, played away from home.
With no recreational activities to partake in other than drawing animal doodles
on cave walls and with conversation limited to nothing but endless meaningless
grunts, presumably then, sex was the only other way of passing time with your
partner and understandably became rather dull and repetitive.
So please forgive me for being presumptuous, in my closing
paragraph, but I can't help wondering how many hard working cave-men returned
home from hunting unexpectedly early one day, due to say - an injury sustained
after wrestling with a mammoth, only to walk in and find their women having sex
with the good looking neanderthal who lives in the cave down the road?
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