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A Question Of Protocol
To assist me in the writing of my forthcoming book about British Pubs and the people who use them, based on my many years experience running pubs all over London, perhaps your comments can aid in my research.
Perhaps you have had a questionable encounter with a DOORMAN, PUB LANDLORD or BAR-PERSON whose professional behaviour or attitude
required more than the usual suspension of disbelief? Then please let me
know what happened and where!
The following questions are based on social trends and engineering over the last century and I wonder if I am not the only one to have zealously debated these subjects. I would be interested in hearing trains of thought from both men and women on these matters and you can contact me at the bottom of the page, stating of course the question number, your name and your home town - so I can compare geographical behaviour diversity. Please answer the questions in your own words and speak from the heart!
Q-1: I am a single man and was drinking with two male friends and their wives in a bar. The 'men' were paying for the rounds as is customary, and although being single, I accepted purchasing drinks in numbers proportionately unequal to my friends who were with their wives, I became resentful when a lady friend of one of the wives joined the group. The rounds of drinks then became even more expensive and I resented buying this unknown woman free drinks on the grounds of gender protocol. Was I wrong to feel angry or could my feelings be substantiated?
Q-2: It has been said that Envy - a close relative of Jealousy, is the one deadly sin that no-one actually confesses. It is the nastiest, the most grim and the meanest. At the very least, all the other sins provide some kind of gratification in the early stages but there is none for envy. Its appetite never ceases and it's only gratification is endless self torment. What then, allows a woman to swallow her pride and concur, when her boyfriend or husband walks into the pub where she is drinking with friends, and demand that she come home because he thinks the clothes she is wearing are too provocative? Does Jealously always eventually lead to a break-up in a relationship or do some women secretly induce a jealous trait in their partner for their own selfish reasons that subsequently sustains stability in the relationship?
Q-3: Are
women who choose to dress provocatively simply expressing their sexual
freedom or are they in reality, pandering to dominant male persuasion
and idealology?
Q-4: Why
do people, who know nothing about a man's education, achievements or
which direction his moral compass points, slander his character and
integrity simply because his job title describes him as a Pub-Club Bouncer? Does the public's interpretation of a 'Bouncer' derive from
customer care that has been swept away in a lava flow of testosterone
fed narcissistic doormen, who having reached the glass ceiling in their
daytime workplace - believe a sexual omnipotence can be attained applying
the
sartorial ethos of the pub bouncer?
Q-5: If
a doorman can earn himself sufficient due respect without displaying the
more obvious symptoms of narcissistic behaviour, then dialogue will
nearly always prevail over physical retort. I have prooved this in some of the toughest estate pubs in south London. Therefore, should government legislation that dictates the policies of Doormen licensing be
amended, stating that ‘nobody can hold a Door Supervisor licence until
after the age of 30 years?' If this popular belief became statute,
wouldn’t it ensure that young men with no experience in life and
lacking real social skills, are not placed in situations that once
miscalculated, can make a straightforward matter potentially dangerous
for both himself and his colleagues?
Is it not more professional to apply correct psychology and
communication methods to persuade a drunk to leave the premises
unaided, rather than have one or two young unconfident doormen, with
too much to prove - especially to their elder colleagues, bundle the
same man off the premises in an embarrassing exhibition of grappling
and commotion? (The subject of doormen will be covered extensively in my book)
Q-6:
I don't presume myself to be a comedian because I can recite a Knock
Knock joke, so why do people actually believe they can sing when they
stand up on a karaoke? And why would they further assume that total
strangers like you and I, would get any satisfaction in the slightest -
by listening to them? In an egalitarian society where people believe
they have the god given right to own anything they desire; anything can be acquired on finance! A good
singing voice however derives from years of coaching and training and
cannot be purchased. Why then, is karaoke so popular with the masses?
Q-7: Should a dirty, socially unacceptable and life threatening habit retain a code of ethics? If you're a smoker, and you arrange to take a person who didn't smoke - out on a date, would you then, during the course of the evening, dare to be so disrespectful and rude as to leave that woman or man alone in a bar/restaurant while you stood outside and smoked a cigarette? Why would you expect the very same person who graciously accepted your invitation for an evening out, to accept being abandoned so you can indulge in an activity they have always found revolting?
Q-8: Why, in 21st century Britain, do so many men still insult the integrity of a woman who chooses to sit alone in a bar and enjoy a drink? What right does a man have to presume upon a woman's character because she chooses to drink alone and consequently assumes that she is on the pull and definitely 'up for it!'? Isn't it time that men's attitudes changed allowing women to enjoy the same respect and bar privileges that men relish?
Q-9: Reputation by association (without getting your hands dirty) is a theme I choose not to take too lightly when it comes to a persons sartorial preference, especially in pubs and clubs. Personally, I choose to wear anything that doesn't represent any kind of statement. I simply enjoy colours. But have some people, particularly men, become so timid of their own presence that they require people around them to view them as somebody they are not, by wearing a style of clothes or logos so far removed from their own psyche? Similarly, just as someone supports a charity, do they like to be seen wearing an empathy wristband or lapel ribbon and then expect people to merit them accordingly?
Q-10: I once overheard a woman telling her friend, "If I'm having sex with a man I let him pay for the drinks, otherwise - I go dutch". If then, this is how some womens' minds work, isn't it about time a new legislation was introduced governing the purchasing of alcohol in a bar? Perhaps if the law dictated that only one drink can be served to one person at a time, this would eradicate our binge drinking culture and associated drink related misdemeanours. Perhaps too, it would stifle the common belief that women play the equality card when it suits them - but they never buy a round of drinks when their turn comes around?
Q-11: Why is it, when dinning out with a woman and you have each made your own choice of meal from the menu, she will inevitably always, once you've started eating, insist on 'having a taste of what you got', - then moments later remark, "Oh! I wish I had what you had!". Similarly, when you both initially ordered the food and she was so adamant on NOT wanting 'chips' with her fish, opting instead for new potatoes with vegetables because it's healthier - why will she always, steal a handful of chips from your plate, and then offer you a new potato thinking that makes the deal fair? Why do women do this?
Q-12: What's the story with sofas in pubs? Ever since Friends was first broadcast on British television in 1994, the pool table has gradually been replaced by huge gunky sofas in an attempt to bring an American cool ethos into English suburban pubs. Now - we have floor area in the approximate region of 55 square feet or more, taken up by two cracked leather sofas and the mother of all coffee tables, so just two people - one hogging each sofa, will spend the next two hours spending under a tenner between them, sipping coffee, and doing sentry watches while the other person uses the loo. This sofa culture must surely contradict all business ethics relating to time-motion and usability of space. What next - sofas in the Rovers Return? Besides, if people want coffee then they should go to one of the many coffee shops that blight our high streets - shouldn't they?
Q-13: I have always resented, after having purchased a pint and handed three pound coins to the bar staff, then having to wait while they dither around in the till while flirting with another customer and keeping me waiting, for just 5 or even 1 pence change. Wouldn't life be easier if all retailers rounded off prices to the nearest pound? After all, no one is fooled today by the concept of retail/consumer pricing psychology; if we pay £2.95 for a drink we know we are as good as paying £3. If legislation banned the practice of selling things that ended in 95 or 99 pence, which would effectivley make our 1 and 5 pence coins obsolete, what would be the long term consequences to the nation's and the world's economy?
Q-14: The title of VIP, is one, normally reserved for those in the higher echelons of society. Perhaps an MP, a Brigadier or a member of our Royal family. So what's the deal with VIP areas in ordinary pubs and clubs? Why do ordinary people, prefer to pay a surcharge and then queue to be admitted to an area of a bar separated from the masses by a velvet red rope barrier with its own bouncer adding that extra credence? Velvet VIP rope, define privileges by telling us what lies beneath the rope is something important or something to be revered. If VIP areas had a separate entrance leading into a separate bar and lounge, and nobody in the mainstream area of the building knew you were even in there, would half as many punters opt to use them?
Q-15: Women, despite their faults, have always aspired to looking their best when on an evening out. A trait I have always respected. Why then, can't most men feel the same way? I recall a time in one of my pubs when a couple walked through the door on a Saturday night; While the women was attired in an expensive and beautiful designer dress and had obviously spent considerable time on styling her hair and choosing the appropriate jewellery, her boyfriend was dressed in a new Manchester United football strip with a 3oz gold neck chain. He even had the socks on. It was amusing how the boyfriend probably commanded more glances of admiration from the men drinking in the pub, than the poor woman. But since then, I have always wondered why many women accept their partners to make no effort at all with their appearance, while they on the other hand, are expected to dress- up and look like a million dollars? Isn't there something a little bit odd about this accepted arrangement?
Q-16: Dr Aric Sigman, bestselling author or Remotely Controlled - how television is damaging our lives, informs us how television is a cultural force equalled in history only by religion. Do we really need then, British Pubs to be dominated by television screens even larger than their sofas, showing not just sporting events as was originally intended, but soaps, reality shows, commercials and other strains of rot that when fused with alcohol, only promotes a kind of recreational grief? If people really 'need' to watch TV then shouldn't they stay at home with a four pack?
Q-17: What's the deal with extra cold beers in pubs? Do we really need lagers dispensed at freezing temperatures? The cold beer war started with Carling and was followed swiftly by Fosters and then Guinness, which didn't go down too well in Dublin! (It was introduced over there for the benefit of the tens of thousands of American tourists who have always demanded cold beer). Similarly, when Bulmers launched Magners cider to be served on the rocks, this was just another ruse for whom millions of people fell for showing just how easy it was for a common cider to be re-branded to rake in millions of pounds - by using ice as a gimmick . If Horlicks launched an extra chilled bed time malted drink, no doubt it too would sell in the name of fashion. Personally, when I ask for a pint and the bar staff replies, " Extra cold or normal, sir?", I always reply, "You choose - It all tastes the same in a warm glass anyway". So then, when we go into a pub and buy a round of drinks, is it not bad enough having to remember who asked for what and whether they wanted ice, let alone what temperature they prefer their beer to be served at?
Please email me regarding other social issues concerning protocol or ethics in pubs that particularly make you seethe!
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